So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
