Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
