Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
there is glitter all over my balls
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