who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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