question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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