what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
