i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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