is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
