I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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