perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
