My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
