I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
