Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Alive.
So much puke
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
