There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
