meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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