I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
