I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I want is dick and wine.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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