you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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