how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
