I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
