new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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