u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
