coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
