: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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