dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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