i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
