how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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