I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am naked and annoyed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
