I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
