I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
