Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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