Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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