Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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