He kissed a someone with a penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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