my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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