Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
