I want to make a zoo with you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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