I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
