atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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