I'm really into asian looking animals
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
