We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
time to smoke my breakfast
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
