i think i have two assholes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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