Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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