he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
