____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
