Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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