He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
