yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
