the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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