We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
