I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
