I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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