oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
