dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
