its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
