I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
