Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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