i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
