I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
