Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
