Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
