yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
where am i from again
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
